After last semester’s “dating terminology” e-mail fiasco, in which several ASWU members endorsed the message that we males should “man up” and initiate more dates, I had hoped the “Loveology” event hosted Feb. 13 would bring balance and serve as a mea culpa for those members who wrote said e-mail.
I was wrong.
Pastor John Mark Comer’s podcast message that evening was about the elements that compose a godly relationship. I walked in as he bluntly asserted, “It’s the man’s job to pursue the relationship.” Surprised and second-guessing what I was hearing, I was disappointed to hear him continually reinforce his message that it is the blessed responsibility of males to initiate and pursue all romantic relationships. As if men don’t want to be pursued, too?
Even more disturbing were Comer’s underlying assumptions about gender roles. It is the man’s job to pursue all parts of the relationship, even to the extreme that Comer’s now-wife would not call him for the first year they dated. What does that say about his view of women and their ability to self-determine and initiate relationships independent of a man’s provocation?
Comer was at least practical with his advice, however. “God’s answer for those of you couples struggling with purity: get married,” he said. For Comer, Christian relationships should have direction. “You either need to break up with your girlfriend, or you need to marry her.” (Notice Comer directs this choice to the men in the audience.)
And for those of us wondering what to do if our relationships are not moving toward marriage, Comer recommends the men go home and immediately call their girlfriends to say, “Honey, you’re Delilah” and break up. The implication is that the dating phase of relationships should be as quick as possible, because dating leads to lust and immorality. God have mercy on those of us who have crossed the line of holding hands with a significant other.
I’ve been told that the divorce rate among Whitworth graduates is noticeably higher than the national average. I will not speculate as to the reasons for this trend. But certainly the hasty “ring by spring” attitude doesn’t help cultivate healthy, well-developed relationships. I do not say this intending to criticize the application of Christian values and principles to romantic relationships.
Of course boundaries are healthy for relationships, and talking together through issues of sexuality and faith are probably better than the man dictating the terms of the relationship. I simply believe Comer’s approach is extremist and damaging for the progress of gender equality. I agree that Whitworth’s dating culture could use a facelift.
But the notion that the fast track to marriage is the solution to sin is just plain ridiculous, and promoting it through programs like the “Loveology” screening is embarrassing for our student government’s reputation.
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